Well here it is. I'm 43 now and I can still remember being in high school wondering what my life was going to be like at 30. As it turns out, the life I have now is the life I wanted when I was 30--I'm late but I'm a late bloomer so it's ok, I'm on Mexican Standard Time (MST). If I were to look at my life as a game of chess I could you that I've always known what to do, to paraphrase, how to get the life I wanted when even prior to being 30. But I didn't have the right chess pieces, so to speak. I wouldn't have the wife I have now, I wouldn't have the kids I have now or the quiet and loving lifestyle that I enjoy with my wife.
Now the only thing that I need to tweak is my job or at least how I spend my day. I'm employed by an excellent company and I'm very careful not to complain about it because it is a great company and the benefits are ideal. I work with nice people and I never argue at work, in fact, not many people I work with do, we're all fairly respectful of one another. But I have little to no future here. It's an engineering company and I have no desire--or ever had--to be an engineer. So, what do I want to do? I work in digital publishing, I'm in Information Specialist. I write programs that automate the publishing process and get thousands of technical manuals a year to customers. I verify that these books are as complete as possible and that they meet the company's high quality standards. I suppose that if this were the 19th century, I'd be a book maker which strangely enough feels like what I wanted to do when I was younger--I love books but I don't liket to read--weird, I know.
I want to be a professional philosopher but I haven't a clue how to get paid for that or even how to do it. The other profession that I know how to do is in 3 dimensional graphics and animation. Something that ocassionaly creeps back into my life because of my belief system. I believe that 3d graphics is as close to god's work as we can get. Using 3d graphics allows you to simulate life and fool people into thinking that something exists a certain way. The reality is that the image they're looking at is but a collection of numbers organized by an algorithm to form a particular image and get a certain reaction. To me, that mimics life only the algorithm that is used by God is a tad more complex--I think, it may not be--I don't know.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
troubled
My heart is low today. I'm having a difficult time appreciating what I have. Is it greed to want more? Or is it simply the knowledge that if you do get more you may just be responsible to know what to do with it. I feel this way about deterministic space.
I wold never be able to explain what I really believe because I just don't have the mathematics background to do so. I know people that do and they spend their time and mathematical training making things in this dimension-basically not trying to support the theory of mind-matter unification. I don't get it, why wouldn't people want to do this? This place is less then desirable, why would most of us want to continue to live in anything but what is ideal.
Someone asked me, "would you be more happy if you had more serious problems to contend with? Maybe that way you wouldn't be distracted with things that are clearly out of your control." My answer is a resounding "no". I would simply deal with whatever discomfort has been handed to me and make more time for these issues later in the evening. The fact is that I feel like it's my mission to solve how the universe really works.
Every now and then a piece of information about quantum knowledge will surface and I'll get really excited thinking that I've found the key, the key that I've been searching for that will open epistemic doors and make all the knowledge available to the masses.
But then I realize that people don't want this. People are mostly happy with their mortgages and rents, their car payments, their bombings, their cultural differences and even celebrate them to the point of separating themselves into castes--it's disgusting.
I'm spiraling downward and I don't know what to do. The birth of my first child is pending and I have nothin g worthwhile to show this child. The only thing I have is to push this child to get good grades and enjoy Barney, Disney and then whatever kids will be into in the future--who knows. Is it fair? I feel like I don't need to be part of this child's life and yet, it's my own blood.
I pray for an answer and ask God for guidance. The only answer I get is silence.
I wold never be able to explain what I really believe because I just don't have the mathematics background to do so. I know people that do and they spend their time and mathematical training making things in this dimension-basically not trying to support the theory of mind-matter unification. I don't get it, why wouldn't people want to do this? This place is less then desirable, why would most of us want to continue to live in anything but what is ideal.
Someone asked me, "would you be more happy if you had more serious problems to contend with? Maybe that way you wouldn't be distracted with things that are clearly out of your control." My answer is a resounding "no". I would simply deal with whatever discomfort has been handed to me and make more time for these issues later in the evening. The fact is that I feel like it's my mission to solve how the universe really works.
Every now and then a piece of information about quantum knowledge will surface and I'll get really excited thinking that I've found the key, the key that I've been searching for that will open epistemic doors and make all the knowledge available to the masses.
But then I realize that people don't want this. People are mostly happy with their mortgages and rents, their car payments, their bombings, their cultural differences and even celebrate them to the point of separating themselves into castes--it's disgusting.
I'm spiraling downward and I don't know what to do. The birth of my first child is pending and I have nothin g worthwhile to show this child. The only thing I have is to push this child to get good grades and enjoy Barney, Disney and then whatever kids will be into in the future--who knows. Is it fair? I feel like I don't need to be part of this child's life and yet, it's my own blood.
I pray for an answer and ask God for guidance. The only answer I get is silence.
troubled...
My heart is low today. I'm having a difficult time appreciating what I have. Is it greed to want more? Or is it simply the knowledge that if you do get more you may just be responsible to know what to do with it. I feel this way about deterministic space.
I wold never be able to explain what I really believe because I just don't have the mathematics background to do so. I know people that do and they spend their time and mathematical training making things in this dimension-basically not trying to support the theory of mind-matter unification. I don't get it, why wouldn't people want to do this? This place is less then desirable, why would most of us want to continue to live in anything but what is ideal.
Someone asked me, "would you be more happy if you had more serious problems to contend with? Maybe that way you wouldn't be distracted with things that are clearly out of your control." My answer is a resounding "no". I would simply deal with whatever discomfort has been handed to me and make more time for these issues later in the evening. The fact is that I feel like it's my mission to solve how the universe really works.
Every now and then a piece of information about quantum knowledge will surface and I'll get really excited thinking that I've found the key, the key that I've been searching for that will open epistemic doors and make all the knowledge available to the masses.
But then I realize that people don't want this. People are mostly happy with their mortgages and rents, their car payments, their bombings, their cultural differences and even celebrate them to the point of separating themselves into castes--it's disgusting.
I'm spiraling downward and I don't know what to do. The birth of my first child is pending and I have nothin g worthwhile to show this child. The only thing I have is to push this child to get good grades and enjoy Barney, Disney and then whatever kids will be into in the future--who knows. Is it fair? I feel like I don't need to be part of this child's life and yet, it's my own blood.
I pray for an answer and ask God for guidance. The only answer I get is silence.
I wold never be able to explain what I really believe because I just don't have the mathematics background to do so. I know people that do and they spend their time and mathematical training making things in this dimension-basically not trying to support the theory of mind-matter unification. I don't get it, why wouldn't people want to do this? This place is less then desirable, why would most of us want to continue to live in anything but what is ideal.
Someone asked me, "would you be more happy if you had more serious problems to contend with? Maybe that way you wouldn't be distracted with things that are clearly out of your control." My answer is a resounding "no". I would simply deal with whatever discomfort has been handed to me and make more time for these issues later in the evening. The fact is that I feel like it's my mission to solve how the universe really works.
Every now and then a piece of information about quantum knowledge will surface and I'll get really excited thinking that I've found the key, the key that I've been searching for that will open epistemic doors and make all the knowledge available to the masses.
But then I realize that people don't want this. People are mostly happy with their mortgages and rents, their car payments, their bombings, their cultural differences and even celebrate them to the point of separating themselves into castes--it's disgusting.
I'm spiraling downward and I don't know what to do. The birth of my first child is pending and I have nothin g worthwhile to show this child. The only thing I have is to push this child to get good grades and enjoy Barney, Disney and then whatever kids will be into in the future--who knows. Is it fair? I feel like I don't need to be part of this child's life and yet, it's my own blood.
I pray for an answer and ask God for guidance. The only answer I get is silence.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
ghostly hand...
Amy and I were sitting on on the front porch after dinner. We were talking about plans and her latest bout of contractions informing us that Max is on the way. The porch is outside our bedroom window.
So both glance at the bedroom window and see a hand rap twice on the window. Amy called Sammy to see if she was in the bedroom and she said that she was not.
I'm not sure what I saw but Amy's a little more level headed about these things whereas I'm more impressionable. The thing is that this time, she saw it first.
So both glance at the bedroom window and see a hand rap twice on the window. Amy called Sammy to see if she was in the bedroom and she said that she was not.
I'm not sure what I saw but Amy's a little more level headed about these things whereas I'm more impressionable. The thing is that this time, she saw it first.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Yea, it's about Max again...
it's late and I should be in bed but no, instead I'm making an entry into this blog to point some of the strange things that have been happening since discovering Max impending birth.
It's almost as though this child has a specific mission, but don't we all? No, this is different. Somehow, this little child makes people giddy happy.
Oh what the heck, I'm going to say it... I feel like there is something extraterrestrial about Max. If you read the blog below this one, you'll see that I'm actually attempting to explain ETs as not being from space. Also, in blogs below you'll read that I'm considering atheism as a way of life. But I can't do either now--for some reason. I've changed my position on ETs and have renewed my faith in God. I feel like it's all due to Max but I don't know how, why and I don't think that it matters.
Max will be here in the next few weeks. Amy is starting to feel the baby slow down because there is less room to move around in. Amy will only stretch so much.
I can't help what I'm feeling. I know that I am impressionable and that I have a wild imagination. I don't know... we'll see what happens in the next few weeks when you
It's almost as though this child has a specific mission, but don't we all? No, this is different. Somehow, this little child makes people giddy happy.
Oh what the heck, I'm going to say it... I feel like there is something extraterrestrial about Max. If you read the blog below this one, you'll see that I'm actually attempting to explain ETs as not being from space. Also, in blogs below you'll read that I'm considering atheism as a way of life. But I can't do either now--for some reason. I've changed my position on ETs and have renewed my faith in God. I feel like it's all due to Max but I don't know how, why and I don't think that it matters.
Max will be here in the next few weeks. Amy is starting to feel the baby slow down because there is less room to move around in. Amy will only stretch so much.
I can't help what I'm feeling. I know that I am impressionable and that I have a wild imagination. I don't know... we'll see what happens in the next few weeks when you
Monday, June 11, 2007
perils of desperate prayer
How many times have we found ourselves in situations where the only thing left is one last minute, desperate request for divine intervention often being disappointed that our desperate pleas fell up uncaring ears. We blame God, the master deity. We accuse God of abandonment and question his true intentions.
Those are spiritually strong will endure, keep their faith in God and try again later feeling that God has a better plan. Still, others will remain cynical and assert a false sense of control over consensus reality, never realizing that we are the ones in control--God is allowing us to make the choice much as he did in Genesis 3:3--we have the choice, we have the power!
Yet, there are perils to last minute prayer or a last-minute request to a higher force, deity or impression that means God to you. Both prayer and meditation require a relaxed state of mind that is best attained with consistent focus and practice. This state of mind is absent when you're in a desperate situation that causes you tremendous anxiety. It's difficult to relax enough to a point of focus.
This is the reason why religions have always stressed that you attend religious services regularly. It's easier to attain this state of spiritual elation when you're surrounded by people of like-mind. Requests made through prayers and meditation are almost always successful in a group setting. But still, prayers and meditative requests are also fruitful when one attains this point of self realization and meditative focus.
One has to consistently practice prayer to train the mind into accepting that we are in control. I don't mean the type prayer where you are begging to God for something.
To pray:
With patience and forgiveness, anyone can make bring prayer to the desired fruition and success.
God Bless.
Those are spiritually strong will endure, keep their faith in God and try again later feeling that God has a better plan. Still, others will remain cynical and assert a false sense of control over consensus reality, never realizing that we are the ones in control--God is allowing us to make the choice much as he did in Genesis 3:3--we have the choice, we have the power!
Yet, there are perils to last minute prayer or a last-minute request to a higher force, deity or impression that means God to you. Both prayer and meditation require a relaxed state of mind that is best attained with consistent focus and practice. This state of mind is absent when you're in a desperate situation that causes you tremendous anxiety. It's difficult to relax enough to a point of focus.
This is the reason why religions have always stressed that you attend religious services regularly. It's easier to attain this state of spiritual elation when you're surrounded by people of like-mind. Requests made through prayers and meditation are almost always successful in a group setting. But still, prayers and meditative requests are also fruitful when one attains this point of self realization and meditative focus.
One has to consistently practice prayer to train the mind into accepting that we are in control. I don't mean the type prayer where you are begging to God for something.
To pray:
- Thank God for the strength to accept certain situation
- declare before God that you are now open to receive divine guidance now
- Tell God that you are going to make whatever changes necessary to repair the situation because God has given you free will and choice to do what needs to be done.
- Don't beg for mercy, you relinquish the power that God gave you.
- God may have a divine plan--then again, he may not. Make it yourself and submit your plan to God keeping in mind the laws of universal conduct and morality.
- Accept, claim victory and move on to the next issue.
With patience and forgiveness, anyone can make bring prayer to the desired fruition and success.
God Bless.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Max, the messiah?
The little Messiah.
Seems strange to give a baby that much responsibility--to be my personal messiah, yet it's the only way that I can describe my violent internal transformation. Prior to Max's arrival, I had been asking divine intervention to show my proof of God's existence in my life. Notice that I said, in my life, not anyone else's.
The reason that I know that I have been touched by the Holy spirit is because I'm not trying to convert anyone else to my point of view. I found God through a new found faith in Jesus Christ and I can't tell anyone about it because they wouldn't understand. Nor can I expect that any religion would share my passion and excitement for what I've found for myself.
I keep saying myself because that's now how I see the world and the universe, for that matter. I see the universe as one massive illusion that is completely seperate from God. To me the material world that I now know to "feel" real is nothing but an opportunity to practice forgiveness and thus, expressed as salvation.
It's difficult not to allow myself to carried away with this new found feeling of faith and salvation. And it's also difficult to not attach this much credit to a baby that is not even here yet.
On earth as it is in heaven.
I understand now what is meant in the Lord's Prayer the term, "on earth as it is in heaven". In other words, earth and heaven are indeed one. One unified energy that I can equate to every ancient philosophy that I understand. I feel that duality does exist on the material plane but only as a teaching tool to facilitate union with God--the Holy spirit.
I also understand the reason for unconditional faith and reverence to God because it only makes logical sense--who else is there. You can say to yourself, "If not God, then who?" It's a self-answering question because God is in us and we are God--in union. To not believe in God is to not believe in yourself and that doesn't make sense.
God is perfect.
Because God is perfect, we mortal humans also have the capability for perfect forgiveness. Buddha showed us "how" to forgive, Jesus gave us an example and now it's up to us to make it hapen.
Seems strange to give a baby that much responsibility--to be my personal messiah, yet it's the only way that I can describe my violent internal transformation. Prior to Max's arrival, I had been asking divine intervention to show my proof of God's existence in my life. Notice that I said, in my life, not anyone else's.
The reason that I know that I have been touched by the Holy spirit is because I'm not trying to convert anyone else to my point of view. I found God through a new found faith in Jesus Christ and I can't tell anyone about it because they wouldn't understand. Nor can I expect that any religion would share my passion and excitement for what I've found for myself.
I keep saying myself because that's now how I see the world and the universe, for that matter. I see the universe as one massive illusion that is completely seperate from God. To me the material world that I now know to "feel" real is nothing but an opportunity to practice forgiveness and thus, expressed as salvation.
It's difficult not to allow myself to carried away with this new found feeling of faith and salvation. And it's also difficult to not attach this much credit to a baby that is not even here yet.
On earth as it is in heaven.
I understand now what is meant in the Lord's Prayer the term, "on earth as it is in heaven". In other words, earth and heaven are indeed one. One unified energy that I can equate to every ancient philosophy that I understand. I feel that duality does exist on the material plane but only as a teaching tool to facilitate union with God--the Holy spirit.
I also understand the reason for unconditional faith and reverence to God because it only makes logical sense--who else is there. You can say to yourself, "If not God, then who?" It's a self-answering question because God is in us and we are God--in union. To not believe in God is to not believe in yourself and that doesn't make sense.
God is perfect.
Because God is perfect, we mortal humans also have the capability for perfect forgiveness. Buddha showed us "how" to forgive, Jesus gave us an example and now it's up to us to make it hapen.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
God
Scriptures according to Joseph in Gnosis.
I will use the word "God" for simplification to the reader. The word God has many translations, pick the one that you are most comfortable with. It may be Proximo, Maximus, Nirvana or umpty-squat--It doesn't matter what you call God. If you don't like the word God, don't use it, it's just a word that we use in the English language.
Question: What does God look like?
Answer: God doesn't look like anything. God has no form. God simply is, has been and always will be.
Recource: God is the state of the universe before the Big Bang. Astronomers discovered that the universe before the Big Bang was a perfect void of emptiness. Also, perfect and eternal until the chaos of the big bang created the universe we now exist in. In Buddhism, God is equated to attainment of Nirvana. Nirvana is a perfect state of existence that has no form but is only pure bliss and presence. God is also perfectly described in the Heart Sutra in Buddhism as having no form.
Question: Is God perfect?
Answer: Yes, as is a state of Nirvana.
Question: Would a perfect God make bad things hapen?
Answer: No, humans make bad things hapen. We are responsible for our own errors and errors of humanity--not God. God could not create anything that is not perfect.
Resource: The like from like principle - anything coming from God must be like God. God could not create anything that is not perfect or else, he wouldn't be perfect. The logic is flawless. If God is perfect and eternal, then by definition, anything he creates would also be perfect and eternal.
I will use the word "God" for simplification to the reader. The word God has many translations, pick the one that you are most comfortable with. It may be Proximo, Maximus, Nirvana or umpty-squat--It doesn't matter what you call God. If you don't like the word God, don't use it, it's just a word that we use in the English language.
Question: What does God look like?
Answer: God doesn't look like anything. God has no form. God simply is, has been and always will be.
Recource: God is the state of the universe before the Big Bang. Astronomers discovered that the universe before the Big Bang was a perfect void of emptiness. Also, perfect and eternal until the chaos of the big bang created the universe we now exist in. In Buddhism, God is equated to attainment of Nirvana. Nirvana is a perfect state of existence that has no form but is only pure bliss and presence. God is also perfectly described in the Heart Sutra in Buddhism as having no form.
Question: Is God perfect?
Answer: Yes, as is a state of Nirvana.
Question: Would a perfect God make bad things hapen?
Answer: No, humans make bad things hapen. We are responsible for our own errors and errors of humanity--not God. God could not create anything that is not perfect.
Resource: The like from like principle - anything coming from God must be like God. God could not create anything that is not perfect or else, he wouldn't be perfect. The logic is flawless. If God is perfect and eternal, then by definition, anything he creates would also be perfect and eternal.
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